You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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