she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
