Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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