so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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