So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
