you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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