"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
