Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
