the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
