Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
