Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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