Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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