Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
