Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
