I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
