i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
