What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize