I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
