i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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