I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
