WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
