I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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