I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
