you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
