I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
