I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Welp...herpes.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
