my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
