she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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