Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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