I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
