I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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