im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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