what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
