There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
