I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
