I'm drive I can fine osifer
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
