It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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