you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
