Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
ttyl tear gas
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
