the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
