Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
