he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
