I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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