so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
