so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
