Whod you bang
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
