I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When are your genitals available?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
