Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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