her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
