I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
