I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize