Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
