this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
