my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize