i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
