As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
