i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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