At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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