She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
