let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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