i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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