dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
