Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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