I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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