Me too!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
