Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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