Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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