I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
