you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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