Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
