question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
