I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I need to stop coming to work sober
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
