hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize