i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
